Tiny Hand You are so lovely.
Anonymous: I had a panic attack at school today. A teacher yelled at me in front of about 50 other students. It was humiliating, and I had to sprint to the bathroom. I couldn't move, I couldn't get help; it was half an hour before someone found me and it never stopped. Everyone knows, I'm so embarrassed.

I know this seems like an unnecessary question, and it might be, but I’m curious: why did the teacher yell at you?

Did you tell your parents? I don’t believe that students should be called out in front of other students. Especially if the student is at high risk to have a panic attack over not only being yelled at, but being yelled at while their classmates watch.

I haven’t got a clue when you sent this in. But if you sent this in a while ago and you get a chance to see my response, please let me know what happened after that day.

I understand your humiliation. But just think of it like this, “Those who matter, don’t mind. And those who mind, don’t matter.” If there are classmates (possibly friends) of yours at school that are talking about it, spreading it around, staring at you in the hallways, etc, they’re repugnant and you don’t need to worry about them. Focus on yourself, your priorities, your wants, your hopes, and those that are there for you in a time of need. 

Is anxiety something that you experience on a day-to-day basis? Or do you only get anxious/have a panic attack in certain situations? Or…?

Anonymous: A few days ago, he took me to a doctor, I was prescribed antidepressants and medications for my physical pain and for helping me fix my sleeping schedule, he also recommended a psychologist. I don’t know, it’s kind of… funny that I insisted so much about my pain and depression but my dad decided to take me to the doctor just when I told him about my insomnia, it felt like he was just ignoring everything else. I wrote the list you asked me to but…

I believe you sent this in about half a month ago. I’m going to reply in hopes that you see it on your dashboard or decide to check my blog to see if I’ve responded.

A lot of people keep things in for all sorts of reasons. But most of the time, it’s usually because something happened and it made them feel like they couldn’t be open about how they feel any longer. Did something happen to you that made you feel like it was necessary to keep things in?

I think messaging her when you’re feeling better is a great idea. I’m sure if you apologized, she’d understand. And I’m sure if you asked her to hang out, she’d say yes. If she does say yes, give yourself a little push and try your hardest to go hang out with her. Avoiding negative thoughts isn’t easy, but if you start to feel paranoid that she won’t like you, make an attempt to reverse that negative thought. Like this,
"She won’t like me." ——-> "Maybe we’ll end up having some things in common."
"She’ll think I’m ugly." 
——-> “She seems like a nice person that isn’t judgmental.”
"She won’t want to be friends with me." 
——-> “Perhaps if I make conversation with her, show interest, and make her laugh, she’ll have had a good time and will ask to hang out again.”

How did your father react when you told him you are trans*? Does he accept it?

Do you think that your father has a hard time believing that you’re depressed? Do you think it would help if you sat down with him, looked him in the eyes and said, “Dad, I’m depressed and I’m in a lot of pain. Please acknowledge that. It hurts me to see how oblivious you are to my depression and my pain. I don’t understand.”? I don’t know your father, but sometimes just having a serious, face-to-face talk with someone can really open their eyes.

Anonymous: Hi, I’m the online school kid again. I guess just when it comes to conversing with me, but I don’t open up easily to begin with so I guess it’s understandable. I’ll message her, maybe just apologising or asking her again, when I feel… better. Because I have the constant thought that they don’t really like meor that if we met they wouldn’t want to be my friends anymore and that sort of things, I feel so unsure and worried of any interaction, I don’t know. My dad knows, I told him over a year ago.

I’ll respond in the second ask. 

I haven’t been on in over a month and I apologize for that. I was hospitalized from September 11th to September 18th and then I was hospitalized again from September 22nd to October 2nd. I’ve been going through a lot, but I’m trying to get better. 

I’ve answered the majority of your guys’ asks and I will finish answering them now. I hope you’re all doing well. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. And if you know that you need professional help, please seek it. I love you.

Hey. You.

If you need someone to talk to, I am always here.

I won’t ignore you. I won’t give you the “it gets better” speech. I won’t tell you to get over it. I will listen. I will help. I will be there for you no matter what.

You matter to me and I love you more than you will ever know.

Anonymous: I always thought I was too strong for self-harm. I always thought "I'd never do that, I couldn't, I love myself." Then I did. What I do is I punch my thighs, and I use my nails to cut my arms. It hurts when it happens, but nothing leaves a mark. No one knows. Except you.

Where did your strength go? When and why did you stop telling yourself that you love yourself?

How do you feel when you hurt yourself? What runs through your mind while you punch your thighs and cut your arms?

Anonymous: Yes, I'm scared that my cousin is dying. I don't want him to die. My mom says that he's gotten out of many things in his life, and he'll get out of this one, but I don't know. I haven't talked to him in a while, but Mom says we'll go visit him one weekend. He lives a few hours away from us, so I don't get to see him often. He's technically Mom's cousin, but I was always closer to him than his own kids were. I'm scared for his wife too. If he dies, I don't know what she'll do.

What do you believe? Do you believe your mom’s cousin will find a way out of this?

It’s going to be hard on his wife. It’s going to be hard on his kids. It’s going to be hard on everyone that loves and cares for him. But you will all get through it, eventually.

What do you mean when you say you don’t know what his wife will do? Will a problem occur if he passes besides the fact that she’ll become a widow and her kids will be without a living father?

Anonymous: Is it still self-harm if it doesn't involve a knife?

Inflicting pain upon yourself is self-harm regardless of the tool used to do so.

May I ask why you’re asking?

Anonymous: My favourite cousin has cancer. It's bad. It's stage four lung cancer. I'm not supposed to know. My mom lied to make me feel better. She told me that it wasn't bad. I heard her talking with my dad after I had gone to bed about how bad it really was. I'm so scared and so sad and I don't know what to do.

Sometimes our parents think that by withholding painful information, they’re keeping us from getting hurt. She was only trying to protect you. If I were your mother, however, I would tell my child if someone they were close with was going to die. I don’t blame her though. Do you plan on telling your mother that you’re aware?

I know you’re scared and I know you’re sad. You have every right to feel that way. But may I ask what you’re afraid of? Are you scared for your cousin? Are you afraid to face the fact that your cousin is dying?

I think that you should go and spend all of your time with your cousin. Help make your cousin feel comfortable. Play games with them and make them laugh. You can’t sugarcoat the fact that they’re dying, but you can make those last moments of theirs the best they can be. Be there for your cousin and try to stay strong. Smile when you walk into the room your cousin is in. Talk about happy things. Let their last memory of you be a positive one.

Also, try to make something for them. If you have a picture of you and your cousin together, staple/glue it to a piece of construction paper and decorate it or something like that.

The idea of losing anyone you’re close with is more than devastating. But when you’re actually losing someone you’re close with, the reality of it consists of the kind of pain that’s unimaginable and I am deeply sorry.

I can’t say that it’ll get better anytime soon. There are five stages of grief you have yet to get through. But know that you will make it through those five stages eventually and it won’t feel like this forever. I’m not saying your cousin’s passing won’t hurt. I’m saying that it’ll stop holding you back from living your life after a while. Your cousin will want you to move forward once they pass. They might even tell you that themselves. If they don’t get a chance to, remember what I said. Your cousin wants you to be happy. Your cousin wants you to make the best of your life. And your cousin will always be with you every step of the way even after they pass. I promise.

Anonymous: <<myself and accepted, but exactly because of those remarks and reactions I've witnessed, I don't feel like that'd be a safe idea. I don't know if I believe in coming out, I wish I could simply be, with no need to justify myself, but I know things aren't that easy. Again, thank you so much for listening and helping me.

Does your family have conversations very rarely in general or is that just when it comes to conversing with you?

If she seemed interesting in hanging out, you should message her again and see if she’s still up for that. You have to give yourself a chance before you completely shut down. You may find that you actually like hanging out with people. Why do you feel powerless when it comes to having friends over the Internet?

I’m glad you’re feeling less worried. Taking care of things can really lower your stress level.

Do you think you’ll go see a therapist again in the future? May I ask what you were prescribed medication for?

Do your parents know that you’re trans? How would you feel about possibly telling them? I understand your frustration when it comes to “coming out.” You’re right; you shouldn’t have to justify yourself. But unfortunately, without 
justification, there would be misunderstandings, assumptions, and confusion floating all around you.

You have to stop yourself from thinking that everything goes one way and force yourself to believe that it’ll be different the next time you, (for instance), greet someone or share your secrets with a close friend. Not everything has a bad outcome. You need to find a way to believe that. 

I want you to write a list of all the good things you’ve heard from people. Think back and think hard because I’m sure there have been good things. Even write down the things I’ve said to you thus far. It’s not much but it’s something from someone who thinks positive things when they talk to you or look at you.

I’m going to help you see through all of this. I promise. Just keep talking to me and don’t give up on yourself. You can do this. 

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